Leaning into Fear
Is fear holding you back? It’s held me back plenty of times! I find that when I’m trying to implement a big change or go after a lofty goal, that’s when fear rears its ugly head front and center. From failing to send a hard climb to putting my dreams on the back burner, I have let fear win many times. Keep reading for tips to work with fear.
We may not even be aware that fear is our biggest obstacle. We may just be aware that we’re stuck and unsure of the why or how to proceed forward. However, if we are to trace our self-limiting thoughts, feelings, beliefs, and behaviors back, we’ll usually find fear at the core. So what do we do with this? Awareness of fear doesn’t directly lead to getting unstuck or pushing through…
Ironically, I found that the more I tried to conquer or fight my fear, that’s when it became a win/loss struggle. What’s more, I remember the times I lost to fear more often than those times I won.
What if, instead of trying to win over fear, we embraced it? We leaned into it? What the heck does that look like? Well, it may be more straight forward than you think.
Often times fear has a voice within us. And that voice is trying to protect us from something. It believes it has a job and if we would just listen, we’d be saved. It doesn’t necessarily realize you’re an empowered adult that effectively keep you out of harm’s way.
So the next time you’re experiencing fear, try these steps:
Observe it
Ask it what it’s trying to save you from or what purpose it has
Thank it for trying to keep you safe, it's doing a good job
If your safety is truly in question, adjust accordingly to bring yourself back into safety
Let the fear voice know that you are empowered to keep yourself safe
Are you or the inner fear voice not convinced?
Try these:
👉 Think back to something very difficult you had to overcome. What helped you overcome that obstacle or situation? Let that provide evidence to you that you can in fact overcome this particular situation.
👉 Reframe “scared” to “excited.” Studies show that when we can reframe our anxious nerves to excitement we perform better and enjoy the experience more. If excited doesn’t feel authentic, I like to use the term “scited” (scared+excited). It honors my experience a little more authentically.
👉 Ask yourself what’s the WORST thing that can happen? Many times the answer will be “I’ll be fired, divorced, and/or die.” That’s pretty effing bad. Now ask yourself what’s the likelihood that this will happen on a scale of 0-10. If it’s 0-1 then your odds are pretty good! Usually, the worst thing that will happen is that we might not get it fully right. We might make mistakes or we might embarrass ourselves. Can you allow yourself to “fail?” Failure is the greatest and most underutilized gift. When we err, we are given the value of hindsight and lessons learned!
👉 Often we are fearful of the unknown so we stick with what feels familiar. Change is hard even when it’s good, which makes the unknown that much scarier. Ask yourself if you’re ready and willing to go through the uncomfortable process of experiencing change. Then, see if you can break down a large change into smaller, more manageable mini changes. They will accumulate!
👉 Practice compassion. Often times, when I’m being hyper critical of myself, I ask myself how I would react if a friend was going through the experience. We’re much more compassionate with others than ourselves. Try to point that compassion inward.
